RJV 5/12
I've been to the WCS (Why Christians Suck) page, and I think it is a good
page. They do have alot of info on their site - both informative and
amusing. (I loved Christianity for Dummies) But- they are up front and
blunt about their stance - and make sure that you know that this is the
case. It took me 3-4 days to peruse through their site, but I found it
very informative and amusing, although at times it was a bit brutal...
-- R Jason Valentine ..ooOO miracle@procyon.com
"The way to make money is to start your own religion."
[L. Ron Hubbard, 1954]
(For those of who don't know, L. Ron Hubbard founded the Church of
Scientology in 1954.)
>From a page off of http://www.paranoia.com/~wcs/
Christianity for Dummies
A quick calculation has enabled me to predict with fair certainty that the
world as we know it will end in 1996. That will be 6,000 years after
Bishop Usher's well known calculation that the world began in 4004 BCE.
The fundies have taught us that a day to the lord is as a thousand years
to us humans. So there have been six more days from the week of creation
and it is about time that a new event happens - like the rapture or
satan's appearance or something impressive. And, of course, since I am not
a mathemetician, I may have overlooked the effect of a year number zero or
some such other scholarly bit. But be that as it may, I thought that we
could all use some understanding of the xian concept, so here goes. And
pay attention because this information may save you from a lot of trouble.
Our heavenly father set forth upon this planet a new garden which he named
Eden. He placed into this garden a perfect man named Adam except that he
was not perfect as we soon shall see. God, who was also known as YHVH,
knew that the man was perfect because he, God, had designed him to be
perfect but God also knew everything that was ever going to happen and so
he also knew that this chap, Adam, would turn out to be less than perfect,
in fact so less than perfect that it would soon (in god time) be necessary
for God to commit suicide to make up for this terrible miscalculation.
Then God planted a fruit tree in this garden but forbade Adam from eating
its fruit. This was not a good idea because God also knew that Adam could
not resisit this terrible temptation. Then to make things worse, God made
a talking snake - it spoke a dialect of Hebrew - and the snake was smarter
than Adam plus God also made a woman who was maybe not as smart as the
talking snake but a whole lot smarter than Adam and she could talk him
into anything. Between Adam's natural desire, the sweet talking woman and
the slick snake, Adam ate the fruit thus committing the original sin. Of
course, God knew this would happen because he had designed the man to
guaranty failure, but nonetheless God sentenced all future persons on
earth for their shared guilt of this sin and then he invented Hell as a
place to punish everybody, including himself, for his own design flaw.
God got to feeling bad about this original sin and decided that he would
commit suicide and go to Hell to make it up to himself for his own mistake
but since he didn't want to really die he split himself into three eternal
parts and had one of the parts rape a young Jewish girl. However it was
not a really recent decision because god knew from day one that he would
do this. Now this next part gets a little tricky and you have to pay close
attention. The victim of this rape was knocked up and the resulting issue
was god himself. In other words, God is the father of God. The
permutations that follow that simple statement are truly astounding and
are summed up in a term invented by one of the popes, "a mystery".
Anyhow, the son of God, who is also God, himself was preordained to give
his life for the release from guilt of all the people who did not perform
the original sin. Apparently God has some kind of a rule that says that if
he appears to die, then he won't be angry at innocent people who offend
him by their very existance.
But how does a god who is eternal commit suicide? God decided to fake it.
He thought that it would be a piece of cake to fool all of the people all
of the time and it was. God knew that if it was impossible to commit
suicide, it would be equally impossible to be killed or even to die, so he
would make it look like he was dead and then after three days and three
nights he would jump up and yell, "Surprise!" But what the heck, he got
bored with this game so after one day and two nights he called it off.
This is called xianity and if you believe it you will be a whole lot
better off when the world ends than those who don't. THE END.